Part deux

so, after working all day, I just feel like being more philosophical than literal. I miss my dad and I wish that he were here and I could smell him and hug him and hear his voice. Sometimes when I am driving in my car (and not listening to children's music), I can hear him singing in his goofy way. He was an amazing singer (guess where Sarah gets it) but he would sometimes just belt out songs so loud and goofy that as a teenager we would roll our eyes, but as a child we thought he was hilarious. He knew every word to almost every song. He would always ask us "who sings this" and I would always jokingly say "Jefferson airplane." Believe it or not, if you say it enough, sometimes you get it right more than you would think. But seriously, we got really good at that game and sometimes I play it with Brian. He would give us rub-a-dubs, which were basically him scratching our face with his 5 o'clock shadow. We would laugh our heads off and ask him to do it again and again. He would make a funny noise and then kiss us goodnight. For some children that have divorced parents they feel like their parent is missing from their life. I can say that I never remember feeling like that. Sure, I wished a million times that my parents would get remarried or never have been divorced, but I never felt like he wasn't a part of our lives. We talked to him every week or whenever we wanted to, we saw him whenever we were out of school and spent almost the whole summer with him. He always took us on road trips and as a teenager I hated them, but now I look back and they were wonderful. Just wonderful to spend all that time with him. Wonderful to learn how to fish and steer a canoe, how to skip rocks and how to set up a tent. I also always knew that he loved us. His parents weren't big on affection, but he was much better. He would always hug us FOREVER when we got off the plane or right before we were getting on to go home. The night before we flew home, he would always come in our room and tell us that he loved us and give us an extra kiss and hug. I can only speak for myself, but I cried almost every time I had to leave him. He was a great dad! Sure, he didn't teach me how to drive or tell me to stay away from boys, or how to tie a tie, but he was a good dad and I miss him so much. Not just today and tomorrow, on the anniversary of his death, but everyday. Today is just so much harder because it brings back all those bad memories and just makes it so much more real.